Great the house is on fire...
If you cant see the fire its not realy there Muhahaha

Finish this when i can be arsed but it will need alot of zack imput

The big Machine
Ohh a glowy blue box

The party proceeds to head on task, snapping some pics of the illusive Russian tech’ (capture or destroy some if possible) Shortly into the journey the party encounters a group of winter guard just ahead of them in a clearing. favouring the surprise tactic Vlad’ starts glowing massively and gives their position away……Whilst dispatching these guard Dina hears a silenced shot from the woods as a bullet pings off her plate, she yells to everyone that their in the woods. Telemis manages to spot two Widowmakers hiding and taking pot shots at the party, Fellburger sees where Telemis is pointing vaguely, and hurls a fireball in and scores a hit. After finishing these off in style and stealing their guns the party heads onwards, and spots a road with a patrol heading down it. Deciding to stage the ambush properly this time Dina and Telemis each fire off a shot from there shiny new sniper rifles whilst Fellburger hurls a fireball into the fray, again. After a short but deadly fight the patrol is wiped out leaving the huge lump of the metal Juggernaut, which is searched thoroughly and is found to be powered by a Glowey blue box which is quickly pilfered. the party attempt to drag the Juggernaut back to base and fail miserably so whilst Fellburger is taking some photo’s with Dina posing over the Juggernaut Telemis steals any more sniper rounds that he can. The party head back to base camp with all that they collected.

The core to mother russia
I want one, hmm here you go

The party find their time in the core very uneventful, well most of them anyhow. Vlad gets an offer to restore his medical license if he agrees to look into a case with people missing or gaining random organs and Fell joins the ranks of the Gun-Mages and gets bounds to a shiny new magelock pistol. The party reassemble and head down to mother Russia where an invading force is attacking a Caledonian base which was formerly a small village. After speaking to Jason and some cocky barbarians the party heads out armed with a camera on a recon mission.

After heading out into the woods the party encounter a group of man hunters which they quickly dispatch, taking one captive for torture, and position the rest of the corpses in funny poses and taking some photo’s. Kizmet hefts two of the blunderbusses over his shoulers in a lockstock moment. The partyu escorts the prisoner back to camp for interigation and head back out finding a dire wolf the mash it with spells and axes causing dina to level up.

To the Core
Wild Nights and the Peanut King


After resting the night in Port Elarana the party heads towards the city of Core, they decide make a stop over in the seemingly peaceful town of Bantegan.

After entering the town they make a beeline for the nearest tavern and set up for the evening, Fellburger orders a nice meal and claims a table, Kizmet promptly joins him with his brand spanking new Imp, Pazoozoo (which at this point looks like a beautiful woman), whilst Vladimir and Dina head to the bar. Telemis, after spotting a fellow Elf, starts up a conversation with her and attempts to get into her knickers.

After much filler, Vlad’ tries to score some kind of “Herbal remedies” from the shadiest person in the bar and promptly purchases some ‘Devilweed’ and after a bit of thought some ‘Liquid pain’. Kizmet starts hitting on the only semi-attractive female serving woman there, his Imp has other plans and tries to put her off by changing into a copy of the shady dealer, this tatic failing it transorms into a Tramp and mulls around the bar bugging Vlad’. Meanwhile Dina spots a hooded group of people huddeled in the corner and decides to investigate and Vlad’ fires up his pipe o’ fun, wanders over to Felllburgr eating his dinner and lets the Devilweed work its mind numbing magic.

Telemis and the elf hit it off and she agrees to accompany the party to Core, then she agrees to a night of pointy eared passion in her room in the inn opposite. Vlad’, with his Devilweed session now in full swing, goes flying into the street armed with nothing but a bowl of peanunts for sustenance and Kizmet’s Imp for company. Sighing, Fellburger decides on a exciting night and heads up to his room with a book. Kizmet hits it off with the bar maid (after convincing her that he is loaded) and heads back to her room. The hooded group chatting to Dina say that there is a cult in Core that seem to be removing peoples brains, with this to ponder Dina heads into the world and seaches for Vlad.

Laying in bed Fellburger is disturbed by a strange Whooping noise from outside, followed by tiles smashing on the ground, looking out the window he sees Vlad hurtling across the rooftops like some drugged up Mary Poppins. Deciding to leave him to his own devices he crawls back into bed, but feels a weird shifty jolt, after giving up working out what it was he goes back to sleep. Dina eventually finds Vlad standing on a roof hurling tiles down at people and declaring himself, “The Peanut KING”. She manages to convince him to come down without jumping and he is quickly whisked away to the Guard Station, where they give Dina the choice of being responsible for him or giving him the night in a cell, after the easy decision of the cell she heads back to bed.

Whilst Telemis is asleep his elven lover draws a dagger and attempts to coup-de-grace him and as she fails Telemis manages to disarm and bind her, after a few minutes of failed questioning he wraps her up and heads across to the other Inn for Dina’s assistance. After they manage to get through all of the assasins lies, they discover that she was sent to kill Telemis as he and his elven clan makes “Thesia weak” and the “Demons can make it strong”, they also find out that it was her first mission, a kind of acceptance ceremony which she has now failed.

Lana the Assassin

During the crazy sexfest Kizmet is having with the bar maid, he manacles her and Kills her as he finishes. Kizmet proceeds to get dressed and after checking that everyone is asleep, rolls her up in the bedding and carries her out of town. Stopped on the way by a curious guard he manages to persuade him that he was just looking for a laundrette to clean his sheets. After burying her in the woods in a shallow grave he heads back to get some sleep.

As morning arrives Kizmet has a go at the owner of the inn saying that the serving woman has robbed him and run, the owner refuses to compensate for his loss since she stole his sheets. The party goes and retrieves Vlad from the cell where he tries to get his devilweed that the guards confiscated and subsequently fails miserably. As the party leave the town to head towards the Core they get a strange following of bison. Upon inspecting his saddle bags Fellburger finds the bag full of bison semen, annoyed he throws the bag at the imp. The others inspect their bags and find them all similarly full of semen except Dina, as her horse is summoned. Vlad finds his bags not only full of semen but also peanuts. Kizmet skilfully places his saddle bag on one of the bison which leaves looking confused, the rest follow it. The rest of the journey to the Core was uneventful.

Camp Juniper and the Shiny Orc
All Along the Watchtower...

After getting some spiffy new flip ID’s from the Caledonians and several mission help requests, the party have an uneventful boat journey to Port Elarana (with a tearful Captain Kizmet saying goodbye to his pet pirates as they go into training to become competent sailors).

Upon arrival at Port Elarana Telemis heads straight to the local authorities to follow up the lead on the latest mission and to acquire some horses, where as Fellburger, Kizmet and Dina prioritise and proceed straight to the nearest pub. Before even entering they hear raised voices, As they walk into the pub a chair flies through the door which Dina neatly avoids and Fellburger catches with his face. Dina defuses the situation between the sailors and rangers inside. As the miscrents shamble out a sailor shunts Fellburger, after requesting an apology with a scorching ray prepared, the sailor attacks Fellburger and ends up as a shrivelled soldering corpse as much from the Deathknell from Kizmet as the ray, whilst this is going on Dina is standing, sighing, at the side.

After a quick drink the party meets up with Telemis and heads off towards a Caladon outpost. After a short while the party, minus a randomly missing Vlad, encounters an over encumbered, art loving, gold clad modified Orc. After Kizmet distracts the Orc by telling it to stand still and not attack (an order which it follows until the party start attacking it) the Orc is dispatched with the only casualty being one of Kizmet’s summoned zombies (which is lucky considering the massive lack of healer).

The Party discover the watchtower decimated and smoking, littered around the place are corpses Caladon and Orc alike, all completely stripped of all weapons and armour. The party indulges in its favorite pass time of pointlessly looking for things that arnt there, before heading off to report in, taking a detour to Telemis’s ancestral home.

Upon arrival they hear rustling in the bushes but seeing nothing there head inside and proceed to search the ground floor. Finding nothing the party decide to try there luck upstairs, Kizmet looks in the first room to the left, and seeing a set of draws heads over….and falls through the rotted floor, he runs straight back up the stairs and heads back into the room to jump over the hole in the floor and make another hole. Searching the rest of the rooms Telemis finds a small toy bow and a stuffed doll which seems so strangely familiar, entering the final room the party hear a click as they activate a spike trap dropping a ton of weighted spikes on there heads. Dina laughs it off as they bounce off her armour but the rest of the party grumble in pain.

Due to a detect magic spell by Fellburger, Telemis finds another magic twig and a book with hundreds of different creatures in, most are illustrated. Finding nothing else the party head outside and hear the rustling in the trees again, slightly confused and annoyed in not seeing anything Fellburger lobs a fireball into the general area the rustling is coming from revealing an assassin vine, after sending a sacrificial Zombie to test its power, the party simply stay out of its reach as it slowly drags itself menacingly towards the party, eventully it gives way to Fellburgers barrage of hell and shrivels up dropping many a corpse from its vines, having had enough for one day the party have an uneventful journey back to Port Elarana where they rest for the night.

Oh wait she's alive then

After the adventures on the ship Roxy dropped the party off onto Kizmets ship, ship being a little fancy a word for it. Whilst Fellburger pilots the ship to shore under fire from a Caladon mounted gun Kizmet flies off as a ‘scout’, and Dina and Vlad create a shabby version of the Caledonian flag and run it up the flag post.

Upon arriving at the shore with the ship taking minimal damage Caladonian officials meet the party, well the barrels of the officials guns do and thanks to Kizmets big mouth several bullets aswell. After sorting out the mess and giving there true names the officials take the party to the council where Fellburger see’s something called a battle tank and wants a go.

During the debriefing Kizmet lies through his teeth until they find out that goggles didn’t die in the Arctic and so the council know exactly what happened. during this entire process Kizmet managed to get the offer of getting his ship prepared, and a secondary option of having an entirely new crew off of Caledonian sailors. the offer of sailors was quickly taken back due to yet more lying.

Captain Zacbeard Ceases Command (and his mace)
"Can you sneak attack a boat?"

After being turned to stone after the latest episode of foolhardy action and suicidal stupidity our heroes find them selves captured by pirates! After awarding Vladimir the medal for longest and most pointless sprint their host turns out to be an out and out rum cove(!), while Kizmet desperately tries to cop a feel from the second in command and kiss the arse of the captain (how far will he go to get his mace back?); Fellburger dangles about in the rigging looking for the perfect spot to place a fireball to kill the maximum amount of innocents.

Luckily some one is on the case and Vladimir seeks out the stupidest member of the crew and tries to extract all the complicated answers but gets nothing back but apples, Dina struggles desperately to resist the advances of the foul captain while extracting the most expensive dress and proves the manhood she doesn’t have by beating up the crew.

Just as the plot threatens to be forgotten our heroes are suddenly dragged into a stealthy and cunning mutiny; which with a little help they manage to completely balls up and resort to the good old plan be “kill everything that moves and burn down all the buildings”; after sinking almost all the fleet the mutineers hoped to cease they sit down in there finest clothes and have a refined dinner with all the crew.

Unfortunately the bastard captain wont stay dead so its more running up and down before Kizmet buries him under a pile of zombies and we can all go back and finish our dinner.

Story so far
A year condensed into a paragraph
  1. The party took shelter in a ruined Keep’s basement
  2. Ran into Orc’s and the usual stuff, when they left the keep they than ran into a floating demon, which they hastily destroyed.
  3. They went to town than got on a convoy to the Human city of Core
  4. On the way they came to a small checkpoint that informed them that a quarantine was set-up and the convoy cannot continue until the situation at Calliope was resolved
  5. Party than went to Calliope (a nearby city) and discovered the city under attack by Mephits and Orcs.
  6. Party helped a small band of soldiers regroup with their commander. They than proceeded to attack the town-hall where they came across an Erinyes Demon. A fight broke out and the party killed the demoness.
  7. Party continued on their journey to Core and informed the city of what happened. The city was shocked and the following day the Calliope commander arrived and validated the report. Caladon was notified and soon a meeting was called at the embassy.
  8. A young general called Mohia Matara was assigned to evaluate the party where she gave them a small assignment to clear the towns sewers (Unbeknownst to the party there were several mechanical constructs digging in the sewers).
  9. The party killed one of the mechanical constructs while the other two burrowed away. The remains were brought before the Caledonians, who performed analysis of their composition. It was revealed that molecules of a rare mineral were used in the construction of the mechanics, at the same time they discovered that the demoness from Calliope had the same mineral in her hair.
  10. The Mineral had only been found in one place, the Arctic shelf, so an expedition was organised to explore the inhospitable region. The party was ordered to head to Mogana and await the formation of the fleet.
  11. The party got a boat to Mogana from the Core docks and arrived in Mogana three days later. Upon arriving they set about performing rudimentary tasks as the formation of the fleet would take five days.
  12. On the second-to-last day they received an order from Mohia. It requested that they investigate a listening post malfunction. The quest turned ugly but they succeeded.
  13. Eventually the fleet was formed and the party went to the Arctic, they fought ice monsters and eventually came across a pipeline, they destroyed it and a chain reaction caused large devastation across the Arctic wastes.
  14. A large metal entrance was found in the snow and upon exploring it they were attacked by mechanical defenders. Mohia was critically wounded and evacuated from the ruins. The party pressed on and found a damaged but operational Old Kingdom base. They found many ancient items including strange flying machines.
  15. A demon was found to be roaming the base as it escaped centuries ago. It ambushed the party and the base began to explode around them. The party met up with some Caledonians who were also fleeing the base, they suggested that the flying machines should be activated to leave the base.
  16. The party than left the base on a damaged flying machine. They got far but eventually crash-landed. They trekked back to base-camp and discovered Jaina, Mohia’s sister, talking to a science team. She reported that due to a pipe-line being destroyed there was indication of a large archaic device failing under the Arctic, “it had something to do with Fusion”.
  17. The expedition left by boat but the Caledonian ship was the last to leave as they lagged behind to pick up stragglers. Eventually the Arctic exploded into a large mushroom cloud. A shockwave destroyed much of the Caledonian ship, leaving the crew and party to survive freezing cold seas.
  18. Eventually two more explosions broke out and killed everyone on the surface. The party drowned but were eventually awoken within a strange metal room. This room turned out to be part of a vast vessel that was lying dormant on the seabed. As they explored they came across hideously mutated crewmen. The party eventually re-activated a strange machine that began to project a humanoid shape of light. This machine identified itself as the ship and answered an questions the party had.
  19. The party discovered that the true nature of the world. The world was landed on 500 years ago by humans and subsequently terraformed into a liveable habitat. Humans lived on the planet till an experimental dimension device went awry, the portal ripped reality and caused demonic forces to ravage the world until an unknown event closed the portals while also wiping most technology off the planet. They than were asked to assist in the destruction of the ship, so as to prevent the plague that mutated the crew from leaving the ship and infecting the world.
  20. The party escaped the ship on an escape pod as it jumped. They drifted for four-five days before washing up on a strange island.
  21. They survived on the island for several more days before running into a Medusa that turned them all to stone. A cocky pirate mage by the name of Azuze freed the party and agreed to take them to the edges of Caladon in exchange for gold and a date with Dina.
  22. The party eventually help the first-mate of the ship, Roxy Galbrini, mutiny against Azuze and take the ship for themselves.
  23. After taking the ship they are sent to Caladon and get promoted after their debriefing
  24. The party are given a selection of events that are cropping up and are asked to deal with problem in the kingdom as they see fit, see Objectives for the parties current Caledonian objective.

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